Guys and Dogs

It was a cool morning for September. The air was crisp, the coffee was hot, and the women were bitchy.

Just a typical Tuesday at the dog park.

“God, look at me!” Vickie said, glaring at her shadow on the weeds surrounding the picnic table. “I’m turning into Shamu!”

Patti shook her blonde curls until they bounced around her face. “Oh, honey, come on! You’re seven months pregnant. You’re supposed to look like Shamu! If you didn’t, I’d worry about your baby.”

“I don’t know about that,” Gwen said, and took a long draw from her double-grande mocha caramel macchiato with extra whipped cream. “Some women just look like they have little basketballs up their shirts. Not all round like you, Vickie. I’d lay off the ice cream if I were you. Dinky, go play! You’re not getting any treats!”

The last was aimed at a fluffy ball of dog that, if groomed properly, might look something like a Bichon Frize. Anna scratched the animal behind the ear, which earned her a lick and a rub on the ankle. She looked over her friends, who had started debating whether Vickie was carrying high or low and what gender that might imply, and sighed contentedly. Tuesday mornings grounded her. She felt contented. Somehow more together than her goofy friends.

“I think you look gorgeous,” Anna said at last. And she meant it. Vickie Frederickson was one of the most beautiful women she’d ever met, with shiny chestnut hair and large, deep brown eyes. Pregnancy made her glow, and in her case it wasn’t a cliché. She had a light inside that was nothing like what Anna had experienced. Pregnancy had brought her nothing but uncontrollable acne and varicose veins in places she wouldn’t even mention to her OB/GYN. Not for the first time, Anna envied Vickie’s looks.

Vickie, however, looked at her shadow again with a grimace, pulling her shirt taut over her belly and twisting and turning to make it look smaller. “But look at it. I mean, just look at that! Aaron’s never going to want to have sex with that!”

“Aaron won’t be having sex with that,” Anna said. “He’ll be making love to his wife. And any man would be crazy not to be turned on by her bringing his child into the world.”

Patti laughed loudly, making those crazy curls go bouncing again. Gwen just chuckled and looked at Anna in disbelief. “Honey,” she said, “what planet are you from?”

“She’s just optimistic,” Patti said, mopping tears from her eyes. “She sees the good in everyone.”

Anna scowled. “Well there is good in everyone, and I believe that a man loves his wife, especially Aaron. And she’s doing such a beautiful thing creating a new human being.”

Gwen shot her a look, and Anna felt pathetic. So much for feeling together and content. “What you need, Vick,” Gwen said, “is to feel attractive again. And I know just how to do that. Hold on.”

Gwen made her way to the gate leading to the parking lot, shaking dogs off her ankles as she went. “Dinky, Paw Paw, get a grip! I’m coming back!” The two white fur balls trailed on their owner’s heels, but stopped short of the gate. Anna spent a few minutes wrestling the two Bichons, her own German Shepherd, two Cocker Spaniels and a black Lab pup, until Gwen came back in the gate with her laptop.

“Let’s hope we get wireless here,” she said as she it the power button.

“We do,” Anna replied, curious despite her better judgment. “I do my charts here with the dogs sometimes and the signal’s good.”

Gwen grinned. “Who are we poaching from?”

“Does it matter?” Patti asked, and leaned closer to the screen. “What we looking at? Oh, is this one of those lady porn sites? I’ve never been good at the web thingy, but I’ve always wanted to see a lady porn site. They’ve got hot guys on there.”

Gwen shot a glare out of the side of her eye, but had apparently chosen not to comment. “Ah, here we go. Come here, Vickie, let’s get you a date with a young stud!”

“What?” Vickie’s alabaster complexion paled a shade.

“Oh, don’t look so offended,” Gwen said without taking her eyes off the screen. “Come here. This is eRomantic.com, and I am not ashamed to say I have an account. Got it awhile after Jordy died, and it’s the best thing I ever did. I meet men, they take me to a lavish dinner, I do ‘em and leave ‘em. I tell you, it’s the modern girl’s best friend. Aside from the rabbit, of course.”

Anna felt her cheeks flush. The last thing she wanted to discuss – again - was Gwen’s wonder vibrator. Some things people just shouldn’t discuss.

“But I’m married,” Vickie protested. Gwen was not deterred.

“Oh, don’t be so naive! Besides, you’re not actually going to go out with anyone. What makes you feel all hot and bothered is just how many men reply to you! We’re going to get your picture on here and, with that face, sweetie, they’re going to be falling at your feet. Every time you feel depressed and pregnant, just come on here and wallow in all the men throwing themselves at you. And if you need to, you can use it to make Aaron jealous.”

“Why would she want to make Aaron jealous?” Anna asked. “Wouldn’t that do more harm that good?”

Gwen looked exasperated. “If you say so, Mary Sunshine.”

But Vickie didn’t look convinced, either. “Aren’t the men on that kinda - well, slimy?”

“Of course not!” Gwen managed to look offended. “You have to take this huge quiz that’s designed to find out if you’re lying. Come on, Vickie, I’m a lawyer and a television personality with an image to consider. Don’t you think I check these things out?”

“I don’t know,” Vickie said, but Patti was practically drooling.

“So you’ve met guys on here, huh?” she asked Gwen.

“Absolutely. In fact, I met a real nice one a few weeks back. And architect. Or an engineer, I can’t remember, but he’s a good one. And the sex! Holy mother of God, I’ve never had so many...”

“We get it,” Vickie said.

“Yeah,” Anna agreed. “Thanks, but we’ll skip the gory details.

Patti pouted. “Spoil sports.”

“Anyway,” Gwen said, distinctly irritated, “he’s a nice, upstanding guy. A little too upstanding, actually. The marrying type.”

“So let me get this straight,” Patti said, “You’ve met this fabulous guy on the Internet. The marrying type, has a good job, I’m assuming likes kids and dogs.” Gwen nodded, and Patti continued. “So you’re going to date him once, bang his brains out, and dump him?”

Gwen considered her answer for a moment. “Not this time, I don’t think,” she said at last. “I think I’ll keep this one around for awhile.”

Anna looked up from her thermos of decaf and smiled. She always suspected Gwen had a soft, gooshy center under all her crass so-called sophistication. So maybe she was thinking of letting a man back into her life after all. But then Gwen stared right at her and continued. “I know you won’t let me talk about it, Doc, but really the sex in phenomenal! I’ll think I’ll keep him for a couple months until I get bored.”

Anna opened her mouth to protest, but was cut off by an abrupt and painful yelp. “Oh Daisy,” Vickie said, kneeling down as best she could beside one of the cocker spaniels. “Is it that tooth again? I’m telling you, Anna, I don’t think it’s any better.”

Anna got down on her knees to look at the dog, caressing her as she tried to open her mouth. “She’s not letting me see it, Vickie. Has she been eating any better?”

Vickie shook her head. “No. Not even the canned stuff.”

Anna struggled with the dog another few seconds, but her mouth was clamped shut. “Darn it, I think I’m going to have to put her under and pull it. Can you bring her into the clinic this afternoon?”

Vickie looked worried, but nodded her agreement. “I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this.”

Anna put on her professional face and laid a reassuring hand on Vickie’s shoulder while the other gently massaged Daisy’s floppy ears. “Don’t worry. I’ve done this a hundred times, at least. She’s a pup yet, so she’s strong and should get through anesthesia just fine. It’s really just light sedation for this, anyway. And then she won’t have that bad tooth anymore and will be able to eat right again.”

“She is getting thin,” Vickie said with a tear in her eye. Overly sensitive about her baby weight or not, Anna had no doubts that Vickie would be a fantastic mother. Not if how she treated her dog was any indication.

“Come in about two. I’ll do it before I pick up Chloe from school, and bring her home to you after that.”

Vickie nodded, and pulled the leash from her pocket. “Okay, we’ll be there. But I guess I’d better go. Have Mommy Pilates at ten, and I’m going to be late.”

“It’s almost ten?” Patti said with a start. “I was supposed to open the store this morning. Shoot. Arlene’s gonna kill me if she comes in and I’m not there.”

Gwen took another sip from her coffee and knocked Dinky and Paw Paw off the table top with a hand that was gentler than it looked. “Honestly, Patti, I don’t know why you let Arlene intimidate you so. She is your employee, after all. Not the other way around.”

“I know, I know,” Patti said, scurrying about gathering leashes, the lab puppy and one of the cocker spaniels. “But these guys aren’t going to find good homes if they’re not at the store. I just feel so guilty locking them in cages all the time. They need to play.”

“Jake, down,” Anna said, holding her shepherd at bay while Vickie and Patti took their dogs out the gate and loaded them into their cars. She held Dinky and Paw Paw back with her foot, while Gwen sat tapping at her laptop and sipping coffee.

“So are we signing you up for an account, Vickie?” Gwen called after her. “It’s fabulous for you self esteem.”

Vickie smiled politely as she opened her car door. “No thanks, Gwen. Maybe some other time. In the meantime, I guess I just do more Pilates.”

“Don’t overdo it,” Anna called. Vickie just waved and drove away.

“I should go, too,” Anna said, glancing at her watch.

Gwen stabbed at one or two more keys and snapped shut the lid of her computer. “Just a minute, Doc. I need a favor.”

Anna instinctively bent down to the dogs jumping at her knees. “Oh, are the boys sick? Are you Dinks? Paw Paw? Huh? You guys need some TLC?”

Gwen looked annoyed. “No, Dinks and Dum Dum are just fine. They’ll probably live for a hundred years and inherit all of Jordy’s money in the end. No, this isn’t about the dogs.”

Anna sat down again, sipping her homemade weak brew while Gwen flashed her perfect, veneered smile. “Actually, this has to do with that architect fellow I was telling you about. We’ve been out a few times now and, well...”

Anna cocked an eyebrow. “A few times, huh? So this is serious.”

Gwen’s brow furrowed, much to Anna’s surprise. Must be just about Botox time again. “I told you, it’s just sex. But now he wants to meet some of my friends. Can you believe it?”

Anna shrugged. “You said he was the marrying kind. The marrying kind normally like to weasel themselves into your life. You know, get to know you and all that annoying stuff.”

“See, you understand these guys! I knew you would. You’re the marrying type yourself, so you have a way with them.”

“Okay, first off, it’s not like we’re a separate breed.”

“But you are,” Gwen said, in earnest this time. “You think totally differently than I do. That’s why I need your help.”

Anna saw a glimmer of hope. If Gwen was looking to her for advice, maybe this guy was ‘the one’ at last. “If this guy is getting to be so much work, why don’t you just dump him like the rest? Or is it possible that deep down inside, you’re the marrying type, too?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Gwen said. “I’m not explaining this to you again. Now, if you and Bill would just agree to meet us for dinner - my treat, of course - then we could dispense with all this ‘I want to meet your friends’ garbage and get on with the hot sex.”

“You were the marrying kind once,” Anna said, not willing to let go of the argument just yet. “After all, you met Jordy, fell in love and got married.”

“That wasn’t love, Anna, that was money.”

“Jordy didn’t have any money when you met him. In fact, as I recall, you’d been married about fifteen years when he sold JoroTech to HP.”

Gwen put down her cup with a clunk. “See! This is why I don’t have long-term friends. First off, they know exactly how old you are, which is completely unacceptable, and secondly, they throw stupid childhood mistakes in your face. Jordan Foster was a bastard and there’s no way you’re going to get me to admit otherwise.”

“So it wasn’t the love of your life who was killed in a car accident...”

“Killed in a car accident, yes, leaving me alone with two ungrateful ingrate children!”

Anna grinned. “Garry and Grant, the twins with 3.5 grade point averages and on the Harvard track.”

“Exactly! With no time for their mother. All they do is read and read...”

“And volunteer at the homeless shelter.”

This time, Gwen glared at Anna. “Doctor Crawford, if you don’t mind, I’m speaking here!”

She took another sip of decaf, enjoying Gwen’s meltdown. “For that kind of speaking, you would want to call the other Dr. Crawford.”

Gwen glared a moment longer, then chuckled. “No, I don’t want to see your husband the shrink. And you’re not getting anything out of me, either. Prying twit.”

“Who’s prying?” Anna said, widening her eyes. “You’re just exploding all your neurosis all over me. As usual. So don’t try to pin this one on me.”

Gwen crumpled her empty cup and lobbed it toward the garbage can, missing by three feet. Paw Paw and Dinky immediately started wrestling over it. Jake barked, pleading for the humans to stop them. “Listen,” Gwen said, barley glancing at the Bichons, “are you going to meet me for dinner tonight or not?”

Anna nodded, getting out Jake’s leash as she pulled the smaller dogs off the cup. “Yeah, I think I can talk Bill into it. After seven though, okay?”

“Of course! Who eats before seven?”

Anna looked up from the animals. “Most of the civilized world. But I have to make sure Chloe’s got her homework done and is fed.”

“Whatever,” Gwen said, rolling her eyes. “Dinks! Paw Paw! You little morons, time to go.” She snapped her fingers and, as if by magic, the Bichons froze and trotted to their owner’s side to be leashed.

“Hey, obedience class is really working with those two,” Anna said.

“I suppose,” Gwen replied. “Now if I could just get it to work so well on teenagers.”